Closing The Store – Reality Sinking In

It will be interesting to see what I will do with all the stuff in the store. Will I just walk away and let people take what they want?

 

I sure feel like just giving it all away.  How long would it take for people just to go ape shit and get everything out of here… I sure am tempted to experiment with this idea… if only I didn’t need the stuff anymore.

 

I would like to see the chaos of just telling people,”Sure, come on in, take what you want. It’s all free. Find some charity and give them a couple of bucks.

 

Pipe dreams. I need the stuff to feed my family, but I still don’t have a storage place to put the stuff. I guess it’s time to deal with the reality that the store is really closing. Fuck, I really don’t want to have to deal with that…

 

At some point, I will have to deal with looking around for a storage… and getting the best stuff secured before they padlock the doors shut from the Sheriff’s Office…

 

How much time do I have? What are the Court Procedures like? When will I be able to figure this all out? Tomorrow is a great answer to say everyday.

 

I have to figure it out and then move it, move it, move it!

No Beginning, No Middle, No End II

If  there was a lottery that could really change your life, and you could get into a lottery in which you had a better shot at winning…

Let’s say you had to come up with twenty grand to play a lottery in which there were few players, and the odds were one in twenty to win big. Real big. Would you play?

The winner might be able to buy a house, get health insurance, have  money for your kids college fund, and time to create your art without having to be disturbed about worrying about bills every minute.

Now, would it be worth putting down 40 grand? And it also involved your talents, and you knew you had some… 40 grand gamble… $40 grand over a year

That is what I conservatively think I lost, by trying to keep my junkshop open, during this last year. I might have stayed open anyway. I felt stuck. I have a 2000 square foot space filled with at least 40 thousand dollars worth of stuff. If I close the store, where do I move the merchandise. . I could put it in storage. There’s the cost of moving stuff, there’s all the time to go through it all, there’s the fact that I am lazy.

 

I love this business, but I am lazy. I don’t mind working hard when I think I am potentially moving boxes of gold, but the fact that I am moving stuff that has already be seen, doesn’t interest me as much.

 

So, I didn’t want to do the hard work, I thought I might have a shot at a television show, and I set up a pretty perfect set for a show. I thought I would even be able to negotiate for the set. The money was going to just roll along.

 

I saw the ad campaign on posters as I climbed down into the subway. I saw myself being surprised by a poster of myself the first day it came out. I would stand in front of the poster, and make contact with commuters as they strained to get to their shitty job. I would engage in conversation with them, and buy them coffee and make them late for work. I would make them happy,”Hey, Larry Da Junkman bought me a cup of coffee.”

 

“Well, it’s a good thing you have a real excuse for being late, because I was going to fire you! They would laugh and talk about what a bad businessman I am and how they thought it was hilarious when I had to use a handtruck to go cash in coins in the bank.

 

Anyway, the last year has been filled with positive lottery winning fantasies. Who knew that business would drop off so much. Everybody loves my store once they walk in it. I think the recession has really stopped people from thinking they can spend any money. Everybody feels like they have to tighten the belt.

 

Everybody thinks that way  except for real estate folk. They think the rents can keep going up and people will just have to get another room mate if money gets tight.

Larry Da Junkman – No Beginning, No Middle, No End

During my punk days, I’d gift wrap a six pack of beer and bring it to the movies. Nobody ever asked to check out my gift. I always made sure to clean up the cans and the paper at the end of the movie. I did not want anyone to figure out what I was doing.

 

For the last year, I’ve been trying to gift wrap myself and sneak into having a television series.  The Producers have  been able to read through my packaging and not let me have my fun. I really believed that I was going to be able to tell my story, the way I wanted to. I was willing to concede all sorts of stuff, to get my story told. I felt that if I could get twenty-five percent of my story on television, it would be entertaining and a party.

 

No dice.

 

I saw other Junkmen,   like Pawn Stars and American Pickers become hits by essentially using the formula of Antiques Road Show. Someone has something interesting looking and by the end of the show, you find out its true value. It really is simple. Sure, there are some characters in Pawn Stars and American Pickers, but no real character development or understanding of the human condition.

 

If you know me, you know that I like to try to understand things about myself and others, even if it is painful. This is what I wanted my show to be about. I wanted to reveal the pain of this life and how you can still have a good time, and also learn about values of items. I am after all, in the business of buying and selling items. I just didn’t want to pretend to know values of everything. After twenty years, I am still not sure of what I have in my possession. I guess in some ways I wanted to make fun of these other shows who pretended to know the value of everything.

 

I also was interested in telling a simple truth of American Life right now:We have been fucked out of good thing by a bunch of greedy businessmen. This country created a middle class after World War ll that has now all but been eliminated by the sub prime mortgage fiasco.

 

I wanted to go to estates in which people have lost everything, and hear different peoples stories, even as I bought their crap for pennies on the dollar, I wanted them to be heard, even as I was making money off of their hard times. I don’t have a problem with not looking like a good guy. I looked forward to a debate. Can you imagine. Is Larry Da Junkman a good guy helping people, or someone mooching off of other peoples hard times. There could even be a dartboard with my face on it.

 

Anyway, we are going to be taking the years worth of footage and videos we just shot as well as the years of cable shows we did and turning it into a documentary. It is called tentatively, “No Beginning, No Middle, No End” because I really wanted the show to flow, always be interesting, but like our own lives have the structure and the flow of our daily lives.

 

I will be writing about this process and the process and thinking that went into what we tried to do, and how free things became, once we knew that it wasn’t going to happen.

 

Of course, I still believe I can infiltrate the television world, and say something new with other stories…As I work to redefine myself in this messed up world, I am also thinking that would make a good show.

 

I got plans people. I got plans.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Answering Nina’s Questions About Psychedelic Vaudeville

What drives you to do this?

 

Desperation drives me to do Psychedelic Vaudeville at the store.  With my back against the wall, and money tight, I thought my idea of having a Vaudeville show at the store once a week, might bring more people in. I offer all the free booze that people can drink and I just assumed that I’d have a hundred people coming to these things ever show.

 

The irony is that I always have wanted to showcase the people who I thought had the greatest talent and were not being seen. Also, I don’t get to go out much. I have two little kids who count on me to read them bed time stories every night. So, with Psychedelic Vaudeville, I could control the time, engage with people, like in the old days when i was out seven days a week. Yes, I was out seven days a week, for about five years in the early eigthies  and then in the late eighties. I didn’t drink much, I liked looking at girls and dancing. It didn’t get me laid but it kept me in shape, and I heard lots of great bands, and got to be part of a secret night cave of the city.

What do you thjink your audience takes away from this?

Nobody expects much when they show up for a Psychedelic Vaudeville. People know I’m funny and philosophical both equal. they know I seriously funny and that I take my funniness seriously, and so at the end of each and every show, people feel like they shared a Jerzy  Grotowsky kind of theater of  absurdity and minimalism… Everything feels natural. for example, at the first Psychedelic Vaudeville, there was a guy considering buying a guitar, I told him to play guitar for the audience and raise the money, He did. He was talented and hooked up with a guy who made up a couple of great songs on the spot.
We tape everything, and some things get translated and some don’t. the stuff of community can only be made when people are there. The tape is only there so that more people will come. I believe there is really a like minded community of artists, musicians, writers who are frustrated only having everything done on social networks and need to meet other people face to face. It has been working.

 

How does this affect your work as a writer How does your writing affect this work
is there beauty in chaos

 

There is so much beauty in chaos… Just the chaos every week of moving clothing racks and trying to create a space to perform in my junkshop. I am so glad you asked me that question..What better is there to write about than the beauty in chaos. My sheer audacity of saying,”Hey, let’s move this pile of junk and get quality acts to perform, and then I’m going to put it on Youtube and if you can find anything, anything better than what i do for no money on tv, I will be surprised. So, I guess I have some balls too…

 

I know I have an audience who reads my stuff everyday. Mostly, they are not friends. I think my friends read my stuff the least. They hear me talking all the time. They’d love me to shut-up, so why would they want to give attention to my writing which is just more of me not shutting up. So, anyway I know that I am read, I can tell by the numbers on wordpress. I am more often read on myspace for some reason. About a hundred people read me from there a day. It’s weird cause I don’t spend time there. I guess I should since I am so read there. Now, what is my password again…

 

Anyway, the knowledge that I have a live audience that I can read to every week, inspires a certain kind of writing. I speak my truth, but certain truths are easier to consider reading to an audience. I don’t want to bore. I am there to entertain, with the smartest lowest common denominator of my writing. Even experimental writing, has to be smart and funny. It can be dark and I am very dark, very dark. MY friend  Terry Murphy made a movie of Coney Island, and when I saw the Parachute Jump, I wanted to see people committing suicide on it.

 

I can talk about beauty and chaos forever. It is why I write about murder so much.

 

I am looking forward to more questions from Nina, who always knows how to get me thinking about things that I didn’t know I know anything about, and probably dont. I await more questions.

 

Larry Da Junkman – Where The Fuck Is My Bobble Head

I got a Visa and a passport to cross from Brooklyn to Manhattan in order to go see about work in the television.

I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw that the shows “Pawn Stars” and “American Pickers” had a pop up store at 1501 Broadway.

 

 

Are you fucking kidding me?!

 

This was awesome news for me, for now I was sure that one day soon, there would be a bobble head of me, just like there is of Chumlee… I would prefer bowling pins of me, with a big bowling ball of my wife striking me down. But certainly, a whole series of Junkman bobbleheads will one day be coming to a pop up store near you!

 

Now, I’ve come to the realization that the only thing left for me to do in this dinosaur business that I am in, is to have a successful television show. Whereas, the Pawn Stars show and the American Pickers show, reveal  how they are great businessmen making money and seeing lots of great items.

 

I see shit most everywhere I go. So, I have to buy shit and then try to sell shit and so the success of my show will be that Americans mostly feel like shit and they will be able to identify with me and my life and the shit that I am buying and selling

 

Of course, when I do see something of intrinsic value, I really never know what that value really is and I have lost big time over the years. Either I passed on the item or bought it and then passed out when I found out that I lost money on the deal

 

By the way…

 

Where the fuck Picasso’s are coming out of Vegas is beyond me. I mean sure I understand that there is a lot of money there, but pawn shops are more about  people yanking their gold teeth out of their head with pliers  and selling them so that they can get back to the Casino’s to gamble… (Now that would actually  be a show that I would watch,)It is a shame that “Pawn Stars,”  don’t reveal the underbelly of Vegas. That would be a cool story, I could stand by

 

So, what am I saying here tonight? The junk business is great if it’s on  a television show and has its own merchandising. It’s a lot more difficult for the small potato who has to pay the bills and does not have a bobblehead… I mean all junkmen become bobble heads with googily eyes, you just haven’t seen the real deal yet, on any of these shows.

 

Fugazi might be a good name for my show and would make an excellent coffee mug to hang on the christmas tree

 

I gotta go, I’m stupid tired. I actually went into Manhattan today, they let me in, and then… they let me go

Larry Da Junkman – Wealthy Hoarders Who Hide Whores

When I was seven, my Aunt Minnie who is just ten years older than me, (and we grew up as brother and sister for a while), kidnapped me with her boyfriend Kit. We had such a good time. She ran away from her parents house and came and picked me up at my mother’s apartment in the Bronx. They stole me away for a few hours and took me to a Chinese Restaurant. Kit stole all the silverware as a joke. They talked to me, not at me. I felt good and happy. I didn’t have that much happiness as a kid… or do I just mean nobody actually tried finding out who I was

 

A few years later Minnie was dancing with Alvin Ailey and her husband who was twice her age but liked playing with railroad trains, was a Broadway Producer. They had a party in their huge loft in the East Village. I was ten and met Andy Warhol,(just for five minutes, I’d meet him later for another ten), Cherry Vanilla, Joe Dellesandro, and the rest of that Warhol crew.

 

Throughout my young life, my Aunt Minnie was there to show me a different way to live. I entered Bohemian Culture myself as an adult and so we are both packed with stories of  love, hate, relationships, artists, musicians, dancers, charlatans, and our mutual family isolation

 

I met her last night for a midnight snack of Babka. She was just in town for the day, leaving to discuss dance Choreography in Philly the next morning.When we get together, we have endless discussions about everything.  So, I got little sleep last night and did not expect to see what I was going to see today in an Estate sale in Oyster Bay.

 

What made this a special estate sale, was the sheer volume of  cheap expensive crap; imagine if your simple minded Aunt Clara won the lottery and always collected cheap reproduction tea cups and stuffed animals. Now that she won the lottery, she wasn’t going to stop and buy good stuff, she was going to continue to buy cheap expensive crap…There are a lot of Aunt Clara’s out there who won the lottery…

 

I don’t know how these folks got their money but they bought a ton of cheap expensive crap. A whole mansion full of it. I was only able to buy  a few boxes of large oversized books, that would make good cheap presents for people, but the back story was pretty funny.

 

It was an old guy’s house  who liked having Asian Prostitutes over  for parties every night of the week. There he was eighty years old, or maybe he was fifty but went through so many prostitutes that he only looked thirty years older. There he was drinking a funky designer beer and a baloney sandwich and looking at all this extradinary bad, bad crap. He probably was thinking of the broads he was going to have come over the house later…

 

His ex-wife and his daughter were  there. They were trying to sell off his madness… Apparently, one of the Prostitutes called the cops and put in a phony claim that there was a woman on the premises held captive. So, the place was crawling with Cops, cheap collectors, disappointed dealers, and who knows, it felt that there might be some prostitutes among us.

 

When I found the crawl space in a room that had a lock on it… I thought perhaps I might just find a hostage. The crawl space was empty, and I was able to continue my search through the books which were only so-so and not have to  yell for a Medic.

 

We took some photos and I will link them tomorrow. I gotta go now. I’m beat. I went from having the time of life discussing the secrets of the Universe with my Aunt, to exploring a nonsensical world, in which one bad thing to own of an item was not enough. A hundred of a bad item was not enough. Why couldn’t he just give all his money directly to the Prostitutes. Why did he need two hundred glass slippers?

 

I bet there are a ton of Asian Prostitutes who were over his mansion who are looking at their own little collection of glass slippers, wondering why their empire had to be brought down.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Junkman Guru- Fucking Young Women In The Ass, While They Are Texting and other Diatribes

I didn’t get into the Junk business because I was a good businessman.

I ‘ve written about the whys many times: I loved the possibility of a Maltese Falcon type  treasure, I loved my mentors who taught me the Philosophy of this business, I loved the characters who I met and I loved finding out about the history of stuff I would never find out about if it weren’t for entering this business.

I could have made more money entering any other business. Still, I have no regrets…

As Wes and I drove through Elizabeth New Jersey, making cracks about all the Christmas lights which hang on the Bayway Refinery year round, I couldn’t help still liking the shitty business I decided to ruin my life with.

First of all that Refinery and the year round Christmas lights are hilarious. Hilarious because you can’t tell that the place is essentially some sort of toxic dump covered in lights and tinsel.

I can’t wait to drive the kids through Elizabeth one night and show them the lights. They will be wowed. I think I might tell them that that is the North Pole where Santa Claus has his East Coast North Pole Workshop…

I must have had a point when I started this thing today. Something about being a bad businessman. Yeah, that’s true. It is also a kind of impossible business, that is sneaky in that it’s hard to realize how much time this business eats away at a day.

For example, I went to drop stuff in an Auction in Jersey. Let’s say that I will get a grand for a van load of stuff, that I couldn’t sell at the flea market, or at the store. A grand sounds good. Except, it took two people two days to put the stuff together and bring it to the Auction house. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll make some money on that stuff, but not a Grand. It will probably be 500 after the two days work of putting it together. And then what about the initial price the stuff cost me?

All is futile in this business. The young people think they can get everything for free online. Didn’t anybody tell them, nothing is free, it just seems free…Eventually, this digital age is going to bite these young people on the ass, to find out they are old people who lived their lives like senile medicated people hooked on tubes and medication. We are raising young people who feel entitled and yet they really aren’t getting the good stuff, of finding out what life, love, happiness

I love the way young people spend time in a bar texting other young people in bars. I went out last night with my buddy who just moved here from Detroit, and all the young people were texting to other young people in bars. It was sad that they couldn’t put that shit away and just be miserable together with me and my buddy. My buddy and I don’t need distractions from our misery. We know how to have a drink and work through our misery in the moment. Fucking drink in the moment. Talk in the moment. Be miserable in the moment. Have some laughs in the moment. Forget about the moment in the moment.

Fucking stupid young women. Still I want to fuck the stupid  young women. She can text her mother while I’m fucking her in the ass. That way I don’t have to see her on the phone. I’ll drop her off at the old age home afterwards.

 

I’m also digging the way young couples are arguing in bars. It is this passive aggressive way of not saying anything to each other.

“I’ll be ready in a moment.”

The young lady leaves to go outside

“I said,’I'll be ready in a moment’ “

She ignores him and keeps walking

He chases her out with his bike lock and loses one of his plugs from his ear.

 

The anger in the voice of the man, the inability for the woman to say anything. The whole scene is so passive aggressive that I can’t even explain what I witnessed. I know I hit my buddy in the ribs to start easedropping on “the moment” but we couldn’t figure it out.We are Klingons not responding well to the trouble with tribbles

 

I need to find older women. At least if I’m fucking them in the ass and they are talking to their mother on the phone, it is because their mother’s are dying. They can even put me on the phone to say hello.

Guru Junkman – Blowing The Rent Money For Records

I took the rent money for my apartment and bought an entire  record store collection today.

 

I bought out a holdout  record shop on Avenue U in Brooklyn: Zig Zag records. The record store had been there since 1977. When it first opened it saw kids coming in and buying New Wave and Punk records. By the early eighties, the scene turned to metal. Venom and Motor Head were playing at L’amore…(I doubt anyone knew it was a french word and everybody pronounced it as Lamorz.)

 

The owner was bummed but he knew his time there was up. No business, just a legacy. Another business saying goodbye to a world in the digital age. March, onetwothreefour, march onetwothreefour…

 

Dawn  had a Camaro and hair that was bigger than huge and would go to L’amore in the late eighties. The Moshpitters would head out to Zig Zag Records to meet their buddies  High School buddies in  Bio-Hazard andType O Negative and meet the out of town acts like Venom and “who ever heard of Motor Head?

 

If you were rocking you went to L’amore Brooklyn. L’amore East in Queens was for pussies. The hardcore bands and the more grinding metal bands played L’Amore Brooklyn and so Zig Zag records was on the map.

 

And now the place is closed, and I have their records. And I will sell the collection of classic rock, metal and punk and New Wave for a fraction of what they should really sell for. Why? Why sell it cheap? You mean besides getting my rent money back as quickly as possible?

 

Because many people have given up on curves of air which analog musical records are as compared to the compressed sounds of digital music.

 

There is a physical and religious difference between analog recordings of records and the digital way music is marched onto discs and shaped into sound.

 

Look digital sound is fine overall. I mostly cannot tell the difference… but when I hear a record, I can tell it is breathing. The air curves in the grooves as it spins, and I am not trying to sound poetic. I mean, that is how records used to be recorded.

Digital recordings are music turned into numerical sequences. I mean it is done properly but it is the difference between fucking someone you love and just fucking someone. One means more than the other.(I’m not always sure about that.)

 

In any case, if it were a CD store that had good CD’s in it, I would have bought that.(and fucking loved it).

 

So, now the issue is how do I get Lemmy and Kiss to come hang out at The Vortex…  The truth of the matter is that all these young whippersnapper kids do come to the store and buy records and now the place is going to be packed for a couple of months. I will have my fifteen minutes of selling records . And the kids who come to my store are the new Lemmy and Kiss folk of the world. Everybody forgets that those old timer famous rock folk were just poor folk who shlepped their way to Zig Zag records like everybody else schlepped around…

 

On the way back from the store, I began to wonder how I was going to pay the workers for their labor of schlepping these heavy records all day, when I spotted a buyer of better things on the street and jumped out of the van,”Hey, Terrance, today is your lucky day. I know there is all this stuff that I have in the store that you want, but you haven’t wanted to pay the price. Well, today you get to name your price cause, I’ve got 8,000 records that I just bought with my rent money and I don’t want to be evicted just yet.

I made an analogical move.

I saw Terrance lick his lips.

 

 

 

 

 

The Junkman Guru – The Big Picture

Where are we?

 

New York has always been a crazy City, but the whole country is living in harsh economic times and New York is in the thick of it. We are in the longest sustained unemployment downturn since The Great Depression. That statistic just in today. Did you ever wonder how are people getting through all this?

 

People are having to reinvent themselves and quickly because rents and living here are so expensive.There may be high unemployment, but that hasn’t stopped the city from being the richest in the world. We are playing a game of Musical Chairs in this city and lots of people are having their chairs pulled out from underneath them. People who used to have expensive chairs too!

 

The glories of the Computer Age have eaten away at a lot of people’s livlihoods, and while we all love You Tube, and free music,  people are scrambling to survive and find ways to stay employed while remaining creative… If you are a writer, someone is writing for free. If you are a musician, someone is listening to your stuff for free. If you are an artist, you might be spending your nights doing grafitti , in the hopes of being that one percent that makes some money out of what you enjoy doing. It used to be about 9.8% of people could make a living doing something creative and what they liked. Interesting statistic… (I made that one up.)

Who is this clown Larry Fisher?

I have spent my whole life scrambling and in survival mode. I have never thrived. I wasn’t raised to thrive. I was raised to survive.

 

I come from Blue Collar roots, which is like saying one foot in the grave.

I can teach the class, on what to do in case of another Terrorist  Attack. I was given a knife  and a rope at the age of five and was taught how to survive in the woods by myself by my Holocaust surviving Grandfather. Oh, and I was taught to have a good attitude about survival at the same time.

And I do. My Grandfather taught me well. Of course, now that everybody else has to learn how to survive, I am trying to thrive. This is not easy as I am in a difficult business, that is on its last legs. I own and operate a Thrift store that sells books, records, CD’s knick knacs, vintage clothing and toys… All great stuff to sell, when people have money. When they don’t have money, they watch You Tube and download free music.

 

I am in a contentious marriage with two little kids, I have two ex-wives and an older daughter who is mentally unstable  and  and I have an aging mother who lives alone, is stubborn and is crazy like a fox. Also, I have surrounded myself with seriously goofy people who all have some problems and I try to help them all out.  Good luck to me!

 

Dawn

 

My wife was  born and bred in Canarsie Brooklyn. She is a tough Jewish woman who used to be an activist. Now, she is struggling to get by homeschooling the kids who bring her to her knees by the time I get home at night. She hates my fucking guts. I mean she loves me, but she hates my guts. I have not been able to provide enough capital. We live poor.She wishes me dead, yet she  worries about me dying. I have no insurance. I’m afraid if I get it, she will plan my death. Its not good here. We mostly stay together because we love the kids and we have no money to run away.

 

Terry

 

He is my good pal of minw  from Detroit who has just returned to get his slice of the American Pie. Detroit is becoming  a “Road Warrior” situation in terms of people finding work and the frustrations they are harboring. Terry works for me occassionally at Flea Markets. We travel between Detroit and New York picking up stuff returning it to New York. Terry is my Consigliere, just like in the Godfather. I tell him what’s going on in my life and he holds his head and tries to sort it all out. He has a tough gig hanging out with me. Occassionally, he yells at me for almost getting us killed, by putting us in dangerous situations… Its only happened a few times.

 

Kendall

 

This girl is the cutest funniest girl out there. Smart 24 year old.  She works for me part-time and for a Sex Toy Company the rest of the time. Somehow, we always ending up talking about dildos. She is writing a book about the people she has fucked. I’m trying to work into a chapter.

 

Steve

 

helps me on the clean outs. He is a Councilor helping people get their lives together. For some reason, he always does something outrageous which costs me money. Once while helping me move my family, he left the state and left me a Dear John letter. That hurt. Still he calls me “Pops” and we always hang out together and have some laughs, even when we are really supposed to be working. We usually stop and play some basketball or shoot some pool in the middle of the day.

 

Wes

 

Works for me at Flea Markets. He is this incredibly talented young musician with a dry sense of humor like my own. We both see ghosts but don’t talk about it much. He has the intestinal fortitude to be in a bunch of bands and plays everyday… There is no money to be made being a musician in this world. Still, if you are a musician, you make music.

 

Anna

 

Six foot three beautiful Amazon woman.  We go pick up stuff from estate sales. Our conversations have the tone of being between Charles Bukowski and Alan Watts. We talk about writing.  We meet crazy people at the Estate Sales and have a great time finding places to eat lunch. We both write and talk about what we’re working on. We identify with each others Eastern European Family’s Theater Of Death.

 

William

 

William is the real star in my life. He comes with his camera on Sundays and records musicians, artists and Writers in the afternoon. What a great excuse to drink and have a party. The characters that come through with interesting personalities and fun times is amazing!

 

 

Look, I’m not much of a businessman. I’m trying to make it, but I’m trying to make it on my terms. So far, it has not worked out too well, but I guess at least, I’m still in the game.

Larry Da Junkman – Green Sludge Boner Juice

I have to take my mom to the hospital for an operation on her mouth tomorrow , my daughter is still in Bronx Lebanon Hospital for her mental illness, a  good friend of mine has run away from home and could easily take up residence with my daughter in the hospital… , and a major Producer is interested in doing something with Larry Da Junkman…

 

Well, what am I supposed to do with that information when the store is sinking. I went and bought more vitamins. I have to remain strong which really sucks.

 

I made a mistake a long time ago. I wish I got into heavy drugs at an early age. 15. Yeah, I could have had the full comic career and now be entering a Rehab… GIVE ME A REHAB MOTHERFUCKERS!!! Rehab for me is a life long dream for vacation. I could have become introspection and realize bullshit about myself…

 

No, I had to be the neurotic Jew who was introspective for the last 30 years! I STILL KNOW SHIT ABOUT MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!

 

I guess I could trade in my vitamins and strength for drugs, alcohol, weakness and surely fame. Maybe I can do 35 years of heavy drug taking in a six week course. In no time, I can be rich, famous, fucked up. Then I can take a vacation in a re-hab and find out everything there is to know about me.

 

OK… I gotta go put the potatoes, sour cream and apple sauce away . I’m making latkas for the black kids in the school across the street. They have never met a Jewish man before let alone a latka… We are going to eat good and I am going to tell them about how it is.

 

I’m gonna go take my green shit sludge vitamins. It tastes bad but always gives me a boner