I’m Out With The Insiders – The Caveman Rides A Dinosaur Chapter 8

Published January 11, 2010 by Larry Fisher

I am a Caveman riding a dinosaur. Definitely! What other smart guy is going to sledge hammering into safes? It is a strange vocation I have chosen.
When I look at the other Junkmen, I too see Cavemen riding their own dinosaurs. Some are riding dragons… Alot are riding dragons or used to.
I just watched Joey chase a rat out of the store with a hammer. Apparently, he already hit it once in the head and I could see that it was staggering. The rat ran out of the store and ran into the Beauty Parlor. The Latin ladies were screaming as Joey hit the rat in the head again. He nailed it. He just picked it up with his hands and walked it over to the garbage can and threw it in it.
There’s a Caveman for you. Unfortunately, he was doing dope again, and as soon as I caught him stealing, I was going to have to punch him out and fire him… till he went back on Methadone again.
The Junkman’s Junkie Criminal element was starting to hang out more outside the store now that these experimental drugs were found in Chucky’s safe.
What a fiasco all around. Chucky was still missing. Sonny was chasing him down without any luck. My worker Andrew swallowed the Military’s experimental drug which made him like the Hulk. He started working real hard. He worked in the store for 36 hours straight. He didn’t need his coffee or food. He just kept moving records and fixing up the store without blinking. I mean he really didn’t blink. Since the drug wore off, he was claiming blindness. He stared forward with his eyes open. It was hard to tell if he was sleeping with his eyes open, if he was dead or if he was just blind.
He was constantly talking on the phone to people about this drug, which he named “Blinky Bats.”

Manny walked over to me,” What are you going to do about Andrew?”
“I’m hoping the drug is going to wear off and he’ll get his eyesight back. I don’t think the military would give its soldiers a pill that would make you blind?”
“Look at it from a Military point of view. The Military gives this pill to its soldiers and it tells them, ‘If you are backed up in a corner like a rat, without any escape hatch, take this pill, it will get you out of the corner.”
I nodded my head. Manny was the reason I got into this business. He was my Mentor and I loved his Caveman ways.
You want to learn about the world? You want to learn how to do things? Become a Junkman. Every kind of machinery will come into your possession, from a watchmakers bench to a knitting mill. Every kind of dish will come into your possession, from Plastic dishes shaped as Darwin, to the finest thinnest china that you can chew and eat. On a twenty dollar bet, Sonny ate a dish. (I believe he may have known that it was made of sugar candy but I can’t prove it.)
Everything that was ever made comes into our possession. I even have a single operational submarine. I just can’t get myself to sell it. I have had offers. I took it out of a tour of Newtown Creek in Greenpoint Brooklyn. That was the scariest thing I ever did. All the Junkmen took turns riding around in my submarine. It started leaking in it when Andrew took it out for a spin, and he got so scared, he shit himself… Nobody wanted to ride in it since then. I don’t know if it was the leak or the poop that stopped them.
When Fat Freddie got in there, we had to wait six hours for him to lose weight, so that we could get him out. That submarine went down to the bottom fast, and it was slow to rise.
Luigi went over to Manny and they started hand gestering to each other. There were Mano Figo hand gestures and spinning fingers on the temples of the two of them.
I walked over to them,”What’s going on?”
“Bad news about Chucky,” Manny said.
“Sonny catch up to him and kill him?” I asked seriously.”
“That safe belonged to the same person as the Mano Figo safe, as you know, so it should be no surprise to you that it also contained a curse.”
“What kind of curse.”
“It belonged to The Executioner’s Wife.”
“The what?”
Manny and Luigi began yelling at each other. Finally Manny turned to me and said,”The Executioner’s Wife demanded that her husband bring home fingers of off men who he axed. What she most wanted were the fingers of men who her husband executed that were probably innocent.”

I became dizzy with this information. There were many questions that I wasn’t sure I wanted answered. There was one I was curious about,”So where is Chucky now?”
“He’s in Sonny’s house. Sonny is praying for him.”
“Sonny is praying for him?!”
“That’s right.”
“What’s wrong with him?”
“Chucky is haunted.”
“Haunted?!”
“Stop being so surprised. Come, we are going to Sonny’s house to exorcise the demon of the executioner’s wife from his body.”
“We picking up a Priest?”
Manny and Luigi laughed.
Luigi said,”Chucky doesn’t need an abstraction. He needs concrete proof that he exists.”
“Huh?”
“Bring that Zombie Andrew with us and meet us at Sonny’s house. He’s perfect to stare down the demons who are in Chucky’s body.”
“Holy Shit,” I said.
“Exactly,” Luigi said. “Get some chips and some dip. It could be a long night.”
“Damn, and we have the other safe here that Sonny got from the same place as the Mano Figo and The Executioner’s Wife.”
Manny said,”Put that safe in a safe place. We don’t know what is in that fucker but based upon these last two, it could be the big one.”
“The big one? Bigger than possession?”
“That’s nothing. There are more Executioner’s Wives than you’d realize, but the big one is the big one.”
“This is too much for me.”
“Listen, bring some Yuppie chips. Something not so greasy, and see if there is some designer dip. Don’t get cheap stuff.”
“Right, designer dip.” I said still in a kind of shock. Who knew these fucking safes, would have the underground in them.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: