..I could have been killed on the first cleanout job I ever went on.
I was still working in Corporate America and my mentor Manny pushed me into putting an ad in the paper which said,”I Buy Entire Contents of Homes.”
I said,”Manny, I don’t have a vehicle. I don’t have money. How can I buy an entire estate.”
When you get to the place. If you can’t handle it, give me a call, and I’ll take care of it. In other words, Manny was going to use my money to place the ad, then I go scout it out, and when I can’t handle all the stuff, I call him in.
I placed the ad in The Ridgewood Times. The first call, the very first call, I get a guy who is heavy breathing into the phone. Heyyyyyyyyyyyy…Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy… Hehhhhhhhhhhh. Finally, he says,”I got old porno.”
I said,”I’ll be right there.
They lived about a half a mile away from me, by the McDonald’s on Metropolitan.
I get there and I’m greeted by a middle aged woman who says she is the daughter of the man who called. Her father is on an oxygen tent. On the dining room table are hundreds of paperbacks of… of…Beastiality. Now, I’m only a 23 year old kid at this point and though I heard of beastiality, I didn’t think there was such a reading public for it.
So, I’m looking at the old man in the oxygen tent, I’m glancing at the books. I’m looking at the middle aged woman who is smiling and flirting with me.
I said,”I can’t really use these books. The Flea Market doesn’t allow me to sell them.
The lady says,”O.K. we have other stuff. She starts walking around the house and holding objects up as if we were in Macy’s. I buy a bunch of the stuff she holds up and then she says,”My mother had salt and pepper shakers.”
What a score. I bought over a hundred shakers which included all kinds of character, black memorabilia and valuable shakers I had seen at the flea market for at least twenty dollars each.
Then she said,”My son has comics. We headed to his room. He had hundreds of photos of womens asses. He had eliminated their heads or any part of their torso. He just had ass… I looked around for the guy but he wasn’t there. I bought four long boxes of comics, about 1000 comics for 80 dollars.
Then she held up a box and said,”Do you know what is in this box?”
“What is it?”
“It’s my mother in law. We buried her at sea in Florida, and a scuba diver found her and shipped her back to us UPS. I just can’t get rid of this bitch.”
My greatest mistake ever, was that I didn’t buy that Mother-In-Law. I would have been able to pull her out and show her to you at this point.
Guys it’s not over yet.
So, then she gets all serious and says,”You know, you are buying all this stuff from me, but my father is angry because he is the one who called you and you haven’t bought anything from him. You should buy the books.
I bought the Beastiality Books. I’ll get rid of them later, I told myself.
When I bought them, the old man said,”I’ll even throw in these photos. They were sexual photos of his daughter with the dog.
The woman told me how her old dog was dead but they had a new puppy.
Then, she showed me a bondage paddle which was autographed by many people. She offered it to me for five bucks, but I had to get out of there.
As I carried all my stuff to the cab, the lady whacked me on the ass with the Bondage paddle and said,”See you next time.”
As I left in the cab, the family including the puppy waved to me from the window which overlooked Grover Cleveland High School.
I should have taken a look at who all signed that bondage paddle. I had this feeling that it might have had some famous people’s names on it.
And that is not the end but my beginning as a Junkman