The History Of Garbology – Sidekick In The Head

Published April 17, 2010 by Larry Fisher

For whatever reason, I cannot get recent Harvard Business School Graduates to work for me.

I think they should be required to intern with me before they go to the Banks that will rip off poor people on sub prime mortgage rip-off schemes… I might be able to explain to them, that it is not nice to steal from the poor, though much easier, I guess…

Anyway, they aren’t going to work for me.

Anyway, for twenty years, I’ve been either able to get the twenty-something College Grad who is in a band and likes to drink to work for me, or the forty something ex-musician who still drinks to work for me.

And when I say drink, I sometimes mean: shoot heroin.

I have helped a bunch of people get off drugs. I have been a do-gooder guy and believe me it has done me no good.

Joey was one of my biggest projects. He was a hardened criminal with ties to the Howard Beach, Ozone Park Mob scene… And when I say ties to the Mob, I mean one of the Bosses was always kicking his ass for committing crimes in their backyard, without cutting them in on the booty. Imagine, getting your ass kicked by a Crime Boss and still having the balls to do the same crimes, he warned you about…

Joey got pretty straight for a while, but eventually I punched him in the side of his head because I caught him stealing from my wallet. It was the first time I had Dawn over my warehouse and her seeing Joey bleeding from his ear upset her.

Eventually, I fired Joey for going back on dope and sleeping on record crates.

Joey robbed a bank and took a bunch of guys out to a Met game with the money. Even though I fired him a year earlier, I think he should have taken me to the game.

Occasionally, I wonder how much he stole. It is one of the problems of hiring Junkies. They are great thieves who know how to lie.

I think I might go see him in prison and see what he’s up too.

Then there’s Anthony. He belonged to the “I Love Lucy” school of drug addiction. For example, he once thought his girlfriend O.D.’d and so he was about to bury her in a hole he dug, when he realized that she was still alive.

Thee hole he dug was not easy to explain to his girlfriend…

It was always something with Anthony. Was he straight or was he on drugs? It was debatable for so long. He really did have that Lucille Ball way of handling his affairs, you almost wished that he was on drugs, so that you could have something to blame his behavior on.

He was a very likable, amicable, capable, dope. He couldn’t see things that were right in front of him. Once, he lost a quarter in the phone booth across the street from my warehouse that I let him live in.

He ran back into the warehouse to get a knife and try to get his quarter back.

While fidgiting with the phone, Cops spotted him and with guns drawn screamed at him to drop the weapon. He kept trying to get his quarter back. He never heard them for five minutes. He’s lucky he didn’t lose his head

Sure the Cops were stupid to arrest him, but who goes and gets a knife to get a quarter out of a phone?

I have written extensively about these two guys, and they are merely a drop in the bucket of the sidekicks that I have had.

I try to distant myself from getting involved with people’s personal tragedies and their recovery, I have a family with two little kids trying to stay alive… I can’t handle other people’s bullshit as much as I used to.

Still I foolishly help people out…

I’m like the greatest fucked up street therapist you will ever meet.

I’ve gotten alot of people to meetings and to shrinks. I have been “the ambulance” that people call to drag them to 12 step meetings … and I am not a card carrying member. I have brought people to meetings, introduced them to other people and then left them there to get straight while I went out and went straight to a bar.

I like a Sloe Gin Fizz, if you can find a place that has sloe gin and you want to buy me a drink. Just try not to be an alcoholic please, my “ambulance” has many stops to make throughout this city without anymore folks on my list.


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