You ever walk through a Cannibal Village and hope you don’t look too appetizing? I personally don’t even want to look sexy to sexy Cannibal girls. It just sounds too risky.
That’s what it is like for me now as a Junkman. I really chose my career well. I’ve always liked what I was doing. I liked buying estates and selling them. Sure, there is this real dark side to my business: I walk into homes of relatives who are distraught with the burden of getting rid of the shit their loved ones accumulated, or they are moving themselves and want to get rid of what they don’t want to take with them.
(By the way, as an aside. Nothing pissed me off more than going into a great home where the people were retiring to Florida and hear them say,”Well, you can take the microwave and refrigerator but we are taking the diamonds and gold to Florida with us.”
Now, what pissed me off about that was, that I knew these folks were giving me shit and taking their good stuff to Florida. This meant that some Junkman down there was going to get all their cream in a couple of months after they went down there and dropped dead, and that I was doing all the humping of their crap up North in the Winter! Jeez! )
In other words, these fuckers who are retiring to Florida have castrated my circumsized cock on a number of occassions.
Florida has got to be one of the best places to still be a Junkman. Family members don’t feel like schlepping down to Florida and dealing with Baubies baubles.
Alright, I just went into some different tangent than I intended on going. I wanted to talk about Cannibal Villages. I’m not sure why. Oh yeah, cause I was trying to make some sort of comment about all the Junkman television shows out there right now and how there is this fad of becoming Junkmen and how I got into this business twenty five years ago because I recognized the appeal of doing this business. I knew that Junk and this business was going to be my life’s work, but I also knew that I was going to write about it. Junk and this business was going to be my life and death theme, my metaphor of existence. And I have written a bunch about it.
But now, all these shows which don’t really express the dark side of this business, have made it difficult in two ways. First, everybody things their garbage is worth something. Second, people are not buying crap like they used to.
Their are two reasons why people aren’t buying crap like they used too. One is they don’t have the money, and two is because unfortunately, people are not as neurotic about stuff as they used to. They may be neurotic, they may have a hundred thousand songs on their computer, but it doesn’t look like anything like a hundred thousand records in an apartment,(and I have seen a hundred thousand records in an apartment and the only thing I kept saying over and over was,”This guy has flipped his wig.”
You don’t get to say,”this guy has flipped his wig,” when you are looking at an empty apartment and the guy says,”I have every song ever made my Captain and Tenille on my computer.”
Let’s talk about the dark side of this business for a moment. Let’s say I buy an estate for 1,500 bucks and I find a hundred thousand dollars cash in the bottom of a hamper. I am not giving that back to the people who sold that to me. Can you guess why? I’ll answer that in the next segment