I have always needed a left hand man to assist me in this business. Sure they have humped boxes for me and saved my back somewhat… but all the explanations that go into telling someone what to do is a headache in and of itself.
The bottom line is, had I done everything by myself, without any help from anyone, or as minimal as possible, I would have money right now. I would not be broke.
I have always needed a henchman around to keep it interesting. The smart young ones who would go on to have “real” careers after graduating college were fun kids who I could kid around with, and somewhat learn about what young people were about.
But my true Henchmen, the guys I hung onto for years and years always had a level of fucked-upness to them. Guys like Joey who was on Heroin, who I got into a program, only to rip me off and end up robbing a bank and taking everybody he knew to a Mets baseball game (except for me).
Or how about Tony who was the master of the snowball effect. He had a ton of talent but would always find ways to complicate his life. He was my Lucy Ball employee. He continously would do things like:
1. Lock himself out in his backyard in his underwear, and then try to climb over a neighbors fence, only to get shot at and end up having to take a bus to the hospital
2. Lose a quarter in a public phone, go back home and get a butter knife, and was so involved with trying to get his quarter back that he did not notice that he was surrounded by cops who were screaming,”Drop the weapon.”
He was arrested.
3. Once the lady upstairs from the store said that her dog died from the heat and she was distraught. I told Tony to go check on the dog. The lady was crying so I called the city to find out what to do with the animal. I told Tony to wrap the dog in plastic and put it in a box.
Well, Tony wrapped the dog in plastic and then a box, and then gift wrapped it and put it on the curb.
When I questioned Tony about the dog , I discovered that rigor mortis had not set in and the dog was still warm when he wrapped it in plastic. There was a chance he wrapped a dog who was still alive. I ran out to the curb, but someone had stolen the box thinking that it was a gift. Oh Christmas woes.
I felt really weird looking at the lady after that.
More about Henchmen later