I Want To Be Mitt Or Newt’s Speechwriter

Published January 28, 2012 by Larry Fisher

These Republican Presidential hopefuls are missing the point. They need to talk plainly to the American people if they want to win the Presidency.


If  Mitt or Newt  really want the American people to get behind them and push them further along the plank towards the American presidency, ( I can’t imagine anyone really wanting to be President, it seems like such a thankless job that just really ages you quickly. Look, at Obama. He had good looks going in and now he is starting to look a little like Gollum from  Lord of The Rings), they need to speak their truth.

If I were either Mitt’s or Newt’s  speechwriter, instead of fighting about how they are the common guy and the other one isn’t, this is what I would have either one of them say:

“I will run this country as if this country were a Company and I was it’s CEO. I want this Company to make money, so that I can make money. I want points  every time I lower the deficit. I will invest where there’s money to be made. It’s that simple people. I don’t want the bullshit hundred Grand there is to  made by being President, I want to make real money, in the way I have been making it most of my life. I don’t really want to be your President, I want to be richer… If you will make me richer, there’s a job there for you.”

And to show you how serious I am, If I am not successful in lowering the deficit and getting everybody working I will give up my entire fortune and live poverty level for the rest of my life after my term in office.”

“We here in America may feel shitty about ourselves and each other, but the rest of the world loves us for our fashion trendsetting in all media and… fashion…  and we need to exploit that. If there are Rappers in Russia and Japan, we must demand compensation. If there are people in Turkey watching Hollywood explosives and dynamite actor (fill in the blank) , they must pay an additional tax for anything they see, watch or do that came out of the American imagination. We can call it a popcorn tax.”

“We as Americans must stand together and demand from the rest of the world money. Without America, the rest of the world would not have clowns and the world needs clowns! Our buffoonery is our best quality and the rest of the world just mimics what comes naturally to us. They need to throw money at us as if we were busking for a buck on the subway platform, and if they don’t give it to us voluntarily we must find a way to mug them. Yes, I said mug them…”

There is a ton of money to be made by exploiting the American imagination in foreign markets. That and Corporate raiding of foreign ideas that look promising but are missing that American imagination stamp of approval. We as Americans can go into foreign markets and make it ours. Ballywood for example. Is there a Ballywood without Hollywood? I don’t think so.

Vote for me and I will give you money. Everybody who votes for me gets fifty bucks. I know that is not a lot but that is just the beginning…Remember, my idea is to make the rest of the world slaves to the ideas of the American imagination. They are already under our spell, now we just have to squeeze them creatively








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