Here is some of my conversation with the new Corruption Agency hotline in New York.
“This city runs on corruption. If it weren’t for corruption, nothing would get done ever. You probably couldn’t have a pot hole fixed without corruption. You couldn’t have a Borough President without corruption, you couldn’t have a market on the waterfront without corruption, you couldn’t have a bidding auction without corruption (storage room or real estate). Corruption is like the waves of the ocean, it has to flow back and forth. There’s no getting around it. The infrastructure of the city would collapse without corruption. Just watch out for high tides.”
This was my phone response to the corruption hotline…I saw the corruption hotline ad that lingers down on the subway walls and thought it would be funny to complain to someone who is supposed to hear complaints
. Interestingly enough, I haven’t seen any graffiti artists mess with the ad. Occasionally, you see a real estate Joker try to peel the phone number off. I guess the real estate people, and Market entrepreneurs don’t want people calling the corruption hotline. Who does?
The city runs on corruption, the city would collapse. If you don’t believe me, call the new number for corruption in New York. Tell them what you know: 212 335 8987…The old standby FBI number in New York is 212 384 1000…See if anything changes.
“I bet I was the first to call.”
The lady on the other line asked me if I was being sarcastic.
I explained,”: I was a satirist and that the city runs on corruption and I doubted the government really truly believed that they could end corruption in this city.”
Dead silence on her end, then she asked me, “What is a satirist?”
“People think my job as a Satirist is to make jokes…I am sad to say, (and maybe I should call myself a Sadirist,) a Satirist’s job is just to tell the truth in a particular way that people usually don’t hear. In other words, it is not “spin.” It is often a reverse spin like a screwball pitch in baseball. “
“A Satirist’s job is to roast a pig, but first you have to kill the pig, skin the pig, blood let the pig, gut the pig, clean the pig, marinate the pig, and then slow roast the pig on a spit. (I guess roasting a pig is a kind of spin
I continued,”If everyone complained, I mean if everyone complained about the corruption in this city, you would need as many operators as 311.”
She put me through to her boss. We talked about corruption for an hour. Nothing will get done. I promised him to continue writing and keeping the department informed of corruption as the letters keep coming in to me. People are writing and complaining to me about corruption even as I explain that we need corruption and I don’t want to destroy it. I am no snitch. I am no Snowden. Let the corruption live!
I just want to make it clear hear and now that the fictional horror stories I write about Real Estate guys are just monsters to entertain, they are just :fiction. The real story about these guys are much darker and too scary for me to write about. They no longer know the truth. They know their spin on the truth, but they don’t know the truth. They are a lot like Politicians who hire guys to be speechwriters, but really both of them really want to be in Real Estate…So they spin and spin, just like a top,( or in the case of many Real Estate dudes in Brooklyn, they spin like a dreidel.)
I am embarrassed for former speechwriters who leave that job and then have to get another job. They have spun themselves into a hole, and there is no getting out, till they get out. Maybe they should call the corruption hotline.