Garbology – Manny

Monday, April 14, 2008

The History Of Garbology – Manny the Guru Of It All

Don’t want to do it. Don’t want to tell you about the greatest Junkman of all time.

I can’t explain it. Maybe his story is so over the top that it takes any of my glory away. Whatever glory there is in being a Junkman.

It’s probably been a couple of months without a history lesson. It’s time I told it, no matter what the mysterious feelings I’m having are all about. Here, and I’m sure it will take a month of telling is the Manny story.

“You don’t want to touch that refridgerator, it’s infected,” Manny said.

Manny, I love this refridgerator. I got to touch it, even if it’s infected.”

Of course he meant infested.

Still this refridgerator was a vintage refridgerator that looked like you could drive it away. I mean to say that it looked like a 57 chevy. All chromed out.

Anyway, I cleaned out the infestation and that became my baby for a while. Ice Crusher from the 5 0’s etc.

Not a real good Manny story to start things with but I do love how he used the word “infected”

His guruness will follow. And you will see.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

The History Of Garbology – Manny the Guru Of It All II

Category: Jobs, Work, Careers

Manny kept battery acid in a jar. He would throw it at your legs of you got too aggressive with him.

He had to know you to throw battery acid on your legs.

As far as I know he never burnt you, unless he knew you…

Time for a history lesson. Manny learned his trade on a horse and buggy on the lower east side. He worked for a rag man starting when he was nine years old. The rag man taught him Yiddish. Manny was Italian.

You’ve seen enough of the movies of the lower east side. I don’t really need to describe the whole scene for you… How about one fact. The lower east side was the most dense population of people in the world., It equalled today’s Bombay,(Somebody fact check for me).

Anyway, it was a tough competitive world, filled with hungry people.

Manny hooked up with the Jewish Mob and ran a whorehouse for them. He was busted and went to jail.

When he came out they gave him The Gretch building, which is now luxury condo’s.

They said, one floor will be the mattresses, one floor will be the knic-knacs, one floor will be the prostitutes, and one floor will be the stolen goods.

On the fifth floor, Manny kept all the homeless dogs he found on the street. The problem was, he never walked them. He fed them and cleaned the shit but still it was a Devil’s Island for these dogs. Gangs would erupt into song and dance constantly.

Lots and lots of stories to come about Manny but one last thought.

During World War II, Manny sold one hundred sewing machines to Japan. He was arrested and charged with espionage.

This is what he said to the judge,” Nobody should have to walk around naked.”

He wasn’t aware that they needed the sewing machines for parachutes till the judge told him and threw him in Federal prison for a couple of years  for stupidity.

Still, Manny just wanted to be a humanitarian.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

The History Of Garbology – Manny the Guru Of It All III

Manny woke up with a woman straddling his face. He started to eat her out and realized that she was on the rag.

Finally, he realized that it wasn’t one of the hookers who was hot and heavy for him as they slept in a loft  bed above the mounds of junk in the store that he lived in…

A cat gave birth on his face. Manny was eating out a cat who gave birth on his face. He was probably licking the placenta. Lord knows what the cat thought.

Lori one of the hookers thought that it was the funniest things…

Everybody thought it was funny. I took one of the kittens home…

Manny was in retirement mode. When I met him he was 63 in 1983. He died in 2003.

He was probably eating out cat placenta in 93.

Manny is not a complicated person for me to understand. He does take a while to digest… uhh umm…

Manny gave a lot of stuff away from the cleanouts that he did. He’d bring the stuff from the house that he was emptying to the store and people would swarm and pick it clean in hours.

He had his reasons for giving it away.

Next time I’ll explain.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

The History Of Garbology – Manny the Guru Of It All IV

Category: Jobs, Work, Careers

They kept talking about her as “crossboned.”

Cadillac Joe was trying to screw her but couldn’t get his penis into her.

The men spoke of her as being “crossboned.”

They hailed Manny as a hero. They raised his hand in the air and showed his crooked thumb which opened up the crossboned lady in question.

They truly believed that only  Manny’s thumb was able to enter the young lady’s vagina and pop and unscrew a couple of bones which got crossed.

His thumb was seen as a skeleton key.

Initially Cadillac Joe did not believe that Manny was able to insert his penis in the young woman.

Manny said,”I will marry this woman and impregnate her.”

Cadillac Joe bet Manny that he would never be able to impregnate her. He bet Manny that he would buy all strollers and cribs and everything needed for babies if Manny got the woman pregnant.

Manny held up his thumb and showed  everyone its crookedness. He did not mean it as a thumbs up. He was showing his skeleton key to the crew.

The baby came and he Cadillac Joe almost had to give up his namesake. Baby stuff was more expensive in the fifties than it is now. It was made better

They joke how Manny’s son was born crosseyed.

The marriage did not last. Eventually his wife lubricated enough and was able to uncrossbone on her own…

and Cadillac Joe was able to insert his penis and have his own kid with her.

Cadillac Joe and Manny remained friends.

Monday, April 28, 2008

The History Of Garbology – Manny the Guru Of It All IV

Category: Religion and Philosophy

Defining Crossboned In Relation To Manny’s Thumb

You Need to go back and read Part IV to understand the details of Part V

As far as my experience tells me, there is no such thing as crossboned.

I did google it just in case.

When those old timers talked about the woman being crossboned, I believe they believe that there was such a thing.

I believe they thought that there were women who were not able to get their legs far enough apart to have sex.

Frigid was the word I grew up with in the sixties.

I believe the woman liked Manny and he was able to “uncross her bones” using his corkscrew thumb as a masturbatory tool, not as a legitimate bottle opener.

Once the cork was out of the bottle, lubrication and insertion was easier for the next guy.

But enough about crossboned women. I have certainly met a bunch in my day…

Onto the history of Garbology.

So, I was working for Time Inc and had nothing to furnish my apartment with. Manny happened to be in the neighborhood.

It was literally a hole in the wall. No electricity, and a solid wall of boxes and stacked furniture.

Yet, everyday he had new old furniture outside his shop.

Sometimes, he was giving the stuff away. Sometimes he asked for too much money, and sometimes, he could ask for very little.

He needed what he needed. If he had fifty dollars for the day, he gave you stuff. If he needed money for lunch, that’s what he would charge you.

He truly lived day by day.

It was his religion.

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